Children’s Week is Upon Us

… and there are no dwarven children to be found anywhere in Azeroth.

The childless-dwarf conspiracy continues. Have our dwarven sacrifices in the recent battles been any less severe in number than our human counterparts? Why do no dwarven orphans exist, but human orphans run free by the bundle? Heck, why are there no dwarven children at all in the game?

Theory: Trolls eat them.

Dwarfs and trolls have a long-lasting rivalry. An example of this is the troll addage:

I kill two dwarfs in the morning.
I kill two dwarfs at night.
I kill two dwarfs in the afternoon
And ‘den I feel all right.
I kill two dwarfs in time of peace and two in time of war.
I kill two dwarfs before I kill two dwarfs.
And ‘den I kill two more.”

Blizzard removed this troll emote song from the game … why? To hide the conspiracy?

No, it’s probably because is was untrue. Dwarfs are obviously too tough to be taken down by mere trolls, so the troll population has taken to just simply eating the weakest of our kind – our young. Dwarfs, too drunk busy fighting battles to notice, are apparently unaware of the genocide upon their proud race.

Dwarven brethren, wake up to the mass slaughter that is upon us! Sure, our children cannot hold their liquor, but I assure you that they are crucial to the survival of our kind! Do your part this Children’s Week to help ensure the continued existence of our race and KILL AS MANY TROLLS AS POSSIBLE!

Okay, so paranoid conspiracy theories aside…

Children’s week will be going on from May 1st to May 7th. Check out this excellent guide from WarcraftPets.com if you want to get some novelty pets, or just pick up an orphan whistle and keep it to torture and maim a child of your own throughout the year (or at least until the child perishes orphan whistle expires). Remember: only you can help control the ever-growing human/draenei/blood elf populations. (Note: Not recommended for orc children. They bite!)

^ Say “Hello” to Brutallus, little one! Mwahahaha!

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2 Responses

  1. I’m actually hoping that when Children’s Week comes around again during Northrend, they’ll have an event there and add dwarven/tauren children. (They added blood elves and draenei for Outland so logically they’d add more children to other expansions … I’d hope!) When I grouse about no dwarven children in Azeroth, people like to say the bunny seller at Amberstill Ranch counts, but I then have to point out that it’s merely an adult dwarf shrunken down even more. :p

  2. A dwarf dwarf, perhaps?

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